because so many of you wished for a new blog post about my pregnancy here it is. Today I wanna talk with you about my current feelings. Even though we are super excited for our baby those feelings are not always 100% positive.
I usually don’t have a lot of anxiety and I’m most of the times a very optimistic person. Also during this pregnancy I’ve been quite optimistic since the beginning on. However, there are also days (especially now when it’s getting a bit darker and moodier and you have more time to think), where I sometimes suffer from pregnancy anxiety.
I’ve basically had it since the beginning of my pregnancy, especially in the first 12 weeks. Because as some of you may know I was already pregnant beginning of the year which unfortunately resulted in a miscarriage. Exactly today (September 26th, 2018) would have been our due date 🙁 Even though we are so incredibly thankful that I got pregnant again so quickly afterwards and that our son seems to be doing great, I of course still have to think about the child which was supposed to be born today. You will never get rid of the feeling that something you’ve been so extremely excited about it taken away from you 🙁 And this feeling or this fear is of course still really strong with this pregnancy. In the first weeks of my pregnancy I literally had nightmares that I would lose the child again etc. Since I was feeling really sick from week 6 to 12 and had to throw up several times a day at least those feelings became a bit less later. During my first pregnancy I had almost zero pregnancy symptoms so I figured if I’m feeling so bad during this pregnancy the baby has to be fine. Fortunately we later found out that was true.
When we reached week 13 we were extremely releaved! We actually already felt like two weeks before that when we saw our baby for the first time during ultrasound and when we heard his heart beating. That was an extremely amazing and emotional feeling for us! Because last time we didn’t get this far so this time there were definitely some tears of joy involved.
Unfortunately though pregnancy anxiety didn’t stop after week 12. We are still always relieved after every doctor visit or after every ultrasound. Because my baby belly is still tiny (in the morning it basically doesn’t exist) a few weeks we were not sure if our son was well developed. Luckily this feeling vanished during the last ultrasound appointment after finding out that he is even better developed than he was supposed to be. Hence, we are not worried anymore about the size of my belly. Even though I sometimes wished I looked a bit more pregnant but that will come 😀
At the moment I’m in week 22 of my pregnancy and I currently worry about not having a preemie. I know that sounds absolutely crazy and there are zero symptoms for it. But you still hear or read some horror stories sometimes. The nephew of my boyfriend was a preemie so this topic is not far away from us. As of week 22 babies are born as preemies. Maybe that’s why I currently have to think about this a lot. The thought of such a small human being born is just unimaginable to me. Hence, we are praying that our little one will remain in mamas tummy as long as necessary and that there won’t be any complications.
Later I will probably also get anxiety about the delivery although that fortunately still seems far away.
Do you maybe have any tips on how to deal with pregnancy anxiety?
My Mom who always has the most brilliant advises told me: “Every love is also a risk. But without taking this risk you would miss out on the most important thing in life”. And she is so right about that!
We love our baby boy so much already so we are of course willing to take that risk. By the way this advise can also be transferred to relationships. Those wo don’t risk to love of course cannot be hurt but they also miss out on the most important thing in life 🙂
Sorry that this blog post was a bit more mellow than usual. I just wanted to be honest with you guys and lift up other women who are in the same situation. I’m looking forward to exchanging thoughts with you on this 🙂